So Jeff left for Vegas today to go to a buddy's wedding. And I am here in Columbus...all by my lonesome...with the dogs of course. The girls whom I have befriended on our block are all out of town as well. So I did what any girl does on a Saturday when her beau is away - I made cookies and watched a chick flick. :)
I have mixed feelings about Jeff being in Vegas. It's good but kinda stinks at the same time. It's good in that I have some time to do whatever I darn well please! I made cookies and watched The Proposal. I'm going to go take a nice hot bath with my book. I've been lazy all afternoon (mind you something is currently laying seige on my sinuses). Tomorrow I'm going to go into town and Saleh (stop and reflect). There will be no time limit. I will fast. I will listen. I will jounal. I will draw. I will think. I will pray. I will meditate. I will contemplate. I will observe. I will do whatever I darn well please...and whatever the ole' HS leads me to do (HS is Holy Spirit in T's Christian Ebonics...or Christbonics if you will?) I'm just going to go with a few topics to focus on and it's going to be so nice! I did this my first or second summer working at Sky Ranch and it was amazing. It was so peaceful and yet so mentally violent at the same time. We were forced to stop and Saleh. I don't do that anymore. I haven't in a while. My life has been crazy hectic - sometimes by my own will. And I have not stopped to contemplate on God and all the crazy shinanigans He's up to. I don't stop. I have my schedule that I try to stick to and my to do list that is only of the upmost importance and filled with things like washing the dogs, making muffins, sweeping the house, working out, and finishing a master's course. With a schedule of such important things like that, who has time to pay any attention to our Creator and Sustainer? And that's the issue. That's why I'm doing a Saleh tomorrow. Because I need to do something about my priorities and put a stop to the insanity of my so called life. What is life if it's self-centered? A sad and inadequate one at most. That is what I'm looking for. And it's falling on a weekend that Jeff isn't here so I can't use him as an excuse as to why I can't go, like I probably would if he was here.
At first, I was kinda bummed. Originally I was going to go meet my family in Florida while Jeff was in Vegas this weekend but with the oil spill, it was canceled. And so that's how I find myself here all weekend by myself. I think it was God tricking me into something that I'm much too Protestant Productive to give myself but so desperately need. I am very much looking forward to tomorrow and this time of Saleh.
But I am sad because I do miss my husband. We're still newly weds so he doesn't quite get on my nerves all time. And cuddling with him is much more fun than cuddling with the dogs. I'm also sad because it's giving me a glimpse of the next deployment. The girl who lives above us, her husband is deployed. I just wonder how she does it. I guess she has friends and stays pretty busy. But being so far from my friends and family, I'm just not looking forward for the next one. Either way, it is what it is and I don't have to stress over that yet.
Also, Vegas is not the best place to send your husband. I trust Jeff. He knows how I feel about everything I have a particular angst against (now). But there's always that still. He's with a few buddies, one of which never finished college and so he's still into that shots and jugging beer phase...not the best of influences. He makes everything a competition. Thank God I don't have fight that; but Jeff is fighting it alone. There's a few other guys there. One of which Jeff roomed with in Iraq. The fact he's going is a major part why I'm not as well. Not because I don't like him, but rather because they need time to hangout without me. They went through things I can't imagine and bonded in a way that most men don't for the fact that most men don't see the things they saw. So this is like there weekend to kickback and catch up. And it is well in my soul.
Tomorrow for Saleh, I'm going to focus on these topics: the future body issues/food, kids (and I can't help but add a God forbid....anytime soon), wisdom, and guidance for the decisions now (friends, school, work, and ministry). It will be good.
