Death is such a cruel necessity but a guaranteed one. Everyone dies. And if people didn't die, the human race would have died out long ago due to the lack of everything that we need to support life. Everyone dies. And usually when they do, we, those of us left behind to mourn, find ourselves asking why. What a queer quandary. Why did they have to die? Of all the people in the world. All the bad people who deserve death. All the good people who have been far too blessed in their lives. All the old people who have lived long enough. Why the ones we love?
A young college kid died in a car accident on his way up to Lubbock. From what I know, the exact details of what happened in the car are still a bit confused but he flew through the window. He left behind his girl friend, countless friends, and his grieving parents, who had already lost one child. Why him?
Another young soldier died in a motorcycle accident. He was going too fast and lost control. He also left behind a girlfriend, countless friends, and grieving parents. He was the gunner of my husband's Hum-V in Iraq. He saved their lives on a few occasions I'm sure. Why him?
A man with a wife and three daughters was shot in the chest by a sniper in Iraq. He was in my husband's unit. At his memorial, his youngest (now about 5) saw her daddy's face on the video screen and yelled out "Daddy!" and started crying. Why him?
A young sorority girl died on her way to her grandparents house one late night after finals. She fell asleep at the wheel and her truck, being on cruise control, slammed into a much bigger truck doing highway speeds. She left behind her little sister who idolized her, countless friends, grieving parents. Why her?
A young pastor dies in a baptismal in front of hundreds in the congregation as he attempts to baptize a young college girl. He was electrocuted. His wife was in the front row. He left behind two babies, a wife, countless friends, college students who found faith through him when other pastors had taken it away, and grieving parents. Why him?
An old man died after a couple of years slowly deteriorating. After his wife died, he lost his will to live. He was my grandpa. Why him?
Why the babies on the news who come up missing? Why the mothers fighting breast cancer? Why the kids fighting brain tumors and leukemia? Why Natalie Holloway on her senior trip? Why Orlando Bloom?
Death is part of my reality. If you or anyone you love is in the military, it is part of your reality. When my husband deploys or goes out on a training mission, I know that there is always a possibility that he won't come back. Morbid as it may be, I have prepared myself in case I get that knock on the door....just so I won't deteriorate into my sadness. He knows also that it is a reality of his job. That he may not make it back or his men may not all make it back. But what if it were me that died? What if I was in a car accident? We haven't planned for that. Would he know what to do or slowly deteriorate into his sadness? (I know he wouldn't because he's stronger than I can imagine.) But what happens when we aren't prepared for it? When we don't know the reality of the possibility? That's when we ask why.
But a better question is "why not?" We are born to die and are dying the moment we are born. Death only becomes painful when it's personal. And in those times we are tested in our true strength and faith. It's OK to get mad at God when someone you love dies. I've been mad at God more times than I can think of and I have yet to be struck by lightening. Getting mad is OK. Questioning is OK. Denying is not. You can't deny that death is fair. It's a guarantee and the death of a father is no less or more fair than the death of a toddler or a college kid or a promising soldier. You can't deny that God has supreme power in these times either. Could you have done anything to stop the death? No. Could God? Yes. But we opted out of that kind of relationship. Humanity did. Death was not a guarantee until Adam and Eve did their thing with the apple. We invited death and then we get pissed when he ruins the party. We can't count on our loved ones not dying. We can however count on God getting us through that time of grief. Sometimes kicking and screaming. Sometimes numb and carried by Him.
You can't say death is not fair when it is a guarantee that we chose. As I like to say, we made our choices and now we have to live with the consequences. BUT. And that's a big BUT. We have a promise that if we trust in God and truly try to be Christ like by following his ways, we'll live forever in a better place. It won't be easy to get their necessarily. We'll fight and fall and fail. But that's where my favorite word comes into play, GRACE. God's Grace is what picks us up, dusts us off, and encourages us to try again without going back to start. Grace. If you believe.
Now, nothing is guaranteed in life but death and taxes. In the army, death is a daily reminder of our humanity, depravity, and love. In the army, it's a fear that lurks in your head and your heart...sometimes closer to the surface than others. So don't ask why did some one you love die. Rather ask yourself, why did you think they couldn't or wouldn't die? And then reexamine which side of Grace you want to be on - the side where God carries you when you're too weak to walk or the side where you fight death on your own.
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